You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
