i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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