i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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