Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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