I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I AM VODKA MAN
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You are the jesus of drinking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
