Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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