in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
