if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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