she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
