I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
