I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dignity is for republicans.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
