I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My life is pants optional.
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