some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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