She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Vodka?
Forever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
