he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
