So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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