You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
