wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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