I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
