I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
