I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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