I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
