So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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