I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
