i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
