I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
