i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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