So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
