he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
