If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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