yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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