I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
