theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
