i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
