I can feel you judging me through the phone.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
