Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
