i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
