U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
