Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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