why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
