You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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