I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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