i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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