When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
