I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
