I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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