You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
