I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
