life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You ate ashes out of my bong
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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