Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't deserve a penis
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
