it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
