you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
