I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
