morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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