i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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