I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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