he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
