Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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