the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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