but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He? As in you personified your dick?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
