he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
