Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
