the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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