i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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