plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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