What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm getting married
To pizza
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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