She is in my trunk
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
