apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
