Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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