i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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