she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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