Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
two words: eviction party
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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