Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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