my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
