I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
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This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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