Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
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this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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