i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
