That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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