party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
