Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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