so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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