Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
