He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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