I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize