I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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