she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
