I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
