Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
