umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
