i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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