Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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