i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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