Got a toothbrush?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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